maybe I'm not a filmmaker??

Last night I had a very interesting conversation with Bruce Fletcher (aka film saint) about "the future."

We got on the topic me continuing my film career, and I told him that my new ideas require some money. I told him briefly that because the way High Life was so low budget, it nearly killed me, and that I wasn't willing to go that road again.

And he said to me, "well, maybe you're not a filmmaker."

I've often wondered this too.

But I also wonder if it's neccessary to go through what I went through. Surely, I am older and wiser, and the technology is better. But since I am a little older, I need to sleep a little more. I need a few more creature comforts. And the idea of having a relationship with a guy instead of my work has crossed my mind more than once.

If I choose to be a filmmaker, is it neccessary for me to be such a martyr? Don't I get to be human? It's a movie for godsakes. I'm not rebuilding cities, or stopping the next wave of neo nazism. ya know what I mean?

If anyone is reading this, please post some advice for me. Please.

I am going to go give myself a better haircut now.